Don’t Give up!

For a few weeks now I seem to have lost my polejo. It’s gone. Vanished. Disappeared. No idea where it is and no idea when it will be coming back.

The most disappointing thing about this for me is that there is nothing I love more than pole dancing, except maybe lifting weights. Let’s face it, nothing feels better than not being able to sit on the toilet after leg day, or being able to perfect that amazing trick you’ve just learned.

Alas, the polejo, it is gone.

I started thinking about it this week and about the reasons it could be gone. Usually I try to set myself goals, something to work towards, so that I’m keeping my passion active. At this point in time, I have no goals when it comes to pole dancing. I know that next year I’d like to be able to compete in the Miss Pole Dance NSW Heats, but that is 10 months away. There is nothing in my near future that I am working towards.

Sometimes I feel like my passion for pole dancing lets me down sometimes because I take it a lot more seriously than other people and when something doesn’t go as planned for me, I tend to take it to heart. I’m like that with most things in life, which probably makes some people think I’m a bit of a drama queen. Well, I’m not a drama queen, I’m just passionate, and I’m also a perfectionist. I’m the type of person who wants to make sure everything she does is perfect, which is one of the reasons the teachers have to practically kick me out of a level. I will stay in a level until I have the moves perfect, even though I may have the strength or flexibility to move up to a higher level.

I feel like I am taking the missing polejo to heart. Usually things don’t really upset me these days, because I’ve learned to let things go that I can’t change, but this has really made me upset, especially since I started in advanced this term after many terms of Chilli telling me I’m ready for it. I was so excited to go up to advanced because I thought it would open up so many more doors for me but so far it hasn’t lighted that spark I thought it would, so I’ve been trying to think of ways to get the mojo back.

I’ve tried looking at pole dance videos on youtube, which usually is a huge motivator for me, but didn’t feel any different after doing that.

I tried going in a few amateur competitions, but they made it a little worse. I almost gave up. After the last competition I went in, I came home and felt like crap. Remember the part above where I said I take things to heart? Well I think I took it too much to heart. It’s quite confronting to write this for the whole world to see it, but it felt like the last part of the polejo had died when I left the comp. My friend Jen sent me a message that night, even though she probably had no idea what was going through my head because I hadn’t seen her for so long, but her message said “Don’t give up. I know you wont anyway, but I just want to remind you that a lot of people believe in you.” Even re-reading that message now makes me a little teary. You know your friends are there, and they are a little biased because they are your friends. And because they are your friends they will tell you that you are a good dancer etc, but I think this was the first time that someone made me realise that there are probably people out there who look up to me that I don’t even know about, and that there is no time to be sooky about something but rather do something about it and be the role model that I yearn to be. One of my favourite quotes is “I want to inspire people. One day I want someone to say to me, I did not quit because of you” and I preach this every day. So it really is a bit selfish of me to have been upset about something that in the bigger scheme of things means nothing.

As a coder, there will be times when you write a piece of code that is not working for some reason and no matter how much you look at it, you just cannot figure out what’s wrong. The usual fix to this is getting someone else to look at your code. Sometimes getting someone to look at your code who is not used to seeing the way you code can be even better as they will be looking at something foreign to them and will be able to see the error, or how to fix it, much better and may be able to give you advice on how to do it better.

In order to look for my polejo I decided to take on my coding logic and have someone who doesn’t know me to teach me some new things, so today I drove up to the central coast and had a private with Daisy from the Peach Pole Studio. I’ll admit I was a little hesitant at first because I’ve never been to a studio outside of Bobbi’s, and I have had the same few teachers for the whole time I’ve been there, apart from one or two catch ups, but I left there feeling like a small spark had started again.

Something Daisy said to me was that sometimes you just need to make the moves you already know a little different, and I’ve been thinking about that all afternoon. I sometimes get bored with the same moves all the time, which is why I crave to learn new things, but making old moves different is something I never really thought of before and after thinking about it all afternoon, it’s something that could make old moves feel like new moves. Since the old moves are perfected (going back to the perfectionist thing) the altered moves should theoretically be much easier for me to master.

Another thing I loved was transitions that I would never have thought of before. Usually when I go into a jamilla (cradle) I will go into a DVD cover (extended butterfly) and either split or go into a right leg hang (inside leg hang/scorpio). Today I learned how to go from the jamilla into a thread the needle to a right leg hang. And let me just say, the thread the needle (or what we call a cupcake) is not as scary when you do it from there 🙂

Now that I have a few new and alternate things to work on, I think I’ll start working on a new routine, even if it’s just to perform it as a solo at the next week 8 performance night. There is no such thing as too much practice when it comes to dancing in front of an audience. Who knows, maybe the next competition I go in will bring the polejo back bigger and better than ever 🙂

The point of this post was to put the message out there that the only way you can rise is if you first fall. Don’t give up. Work hard to what you want and make goals for yourself, realistic goals, and set a timeframe on those goals. What is the point of life if the only thing you’re walking towards is the horizon?

The man who is at the top of the mountain did not fall there.

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